


Of all the things that might happen

by octopus_fool



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Humor, Sentient Magic Object
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-18 05:37:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11284788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octopus_fool/pseuds/octopus_fool
Summary: Ylma really didn't sign up for cleaning up after a spell gone wrong that thinks it is cleaning up afterher.





	Of all the things that might happen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sumi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sumi/gifts).



Ylma was not the kind of person who harmed other creatures. She set spiders outside with a glass and a piece of cardboard when they started showing bad manners and bothered her customers. She had even decided to tolerate the disrespectful family of mice that had made their home under the cabinet at the back of the shop, even though she could just as well have set up traps or gotten a cat.

In short, Ylma considered herself to be a tolerant person.

“By Yagonira’s phlevnosotic left nostril! Stop that and for Dravbar’s sake: stay quiet!” Ylma shouted, her voice tapering off to a hiss as she remembered that old Grunohild from next door could never find out. 

A final jar of powdered movonia leaves rolled across the counter below the shelf on which it had originally been housed, teetered on the edge for a split second, then crashed onto the floor to join its sisters. A cloud of green dust rose into the air, illuminated by the beam of afternoon sunlight falling into the shop from one of the small windows just below the ceiling.

Silence stretched out like the strings Ylma tied the boxes closed with did, just before they snapped because the delivery man had left them out in the sun too long. 

“Where are you?” Ylma asked warily.

Two shelves further on, a box of rune chalk rumbled into motion. Ylma leapt to catch it before it could hit the floor, but only succeeded in landing in another cloud of dust with her face just inches from the ground. 

“I’m telling you: stop that, you pertucatious piece of rubbish!”

There was another moment of silence. “Or what?” The voice was deep, but something about it still reminded Ylma of nails on a board and made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. “Will you try to _unsoul_ me again?”

“Look, I’ve told you before that I’m sorry about that,” Ylma said, straightening her glasses and slowly picking herself off the ground. “There are heavy fines for waking objects and horrible punishments for those that aren’t able to pay them. I panicked and tried to reverse it, not realizing just what I was doing. I’ve explained this and apologized countless times. What more do you want me to do?”

“How about you give me back my shop and stop causing chaos in it?” 

“This is _my_ shop. Not yours. I have owned this shop for years, since my great-aunt Lucilda retired. You, on the other hand, were nothing more than a crystal ball less than a week ago.”

One of the medium-sized crystal balls, one of the cheap ones. The large ones put less strain on the eyes while the small ones were of expensive material, had an additional magnifying function or were training balls with special family-friendly spells on them. After all, it wouldn’t do to have your daughter look straight into the dungeons of Ashtriv. Not that that would happen if Ylma tried to use one of those balls, and not just because she had never had much of a gift and thought that Seeing was a rather dodgy pastime anyway. No, she had been told by more than one customer in no uncertain terms that those medium-sized crystal balls were useless. Maybe she could have tried to sell this one otherwise, though Ylma was not sure just how she would have concealed that this particular crystal ball was woken. Perhaps she could have staged an accident just outside the shop after selling it, shifting the blame on someone else instead...  
But these musings were useless, she was stuck with it. At least until it caused enough ruckus for Grunohild to call the officials to investigate.

The crystal ball huffed. “Rude. That’s no way to speak to a lady.”

Ylma stared. “A lady? You’re a lady?”

“What did you think? Do I look like a gentleman to you?” 

“Well, I never really thought about it, to tell the truth.” Telling the crystal ball that it –she- looked just like any other medium-sized, cheap crystal ball probably wouldn’t be a good idea, not if Ylma wanted her shop to contain more than just rubble. 

The crystal ball huffed. “That’s so typical of you. Completely blind to reality.”

“I’m sorry. Do you have a name then?”

“Of course I do.” There was a pause. Just when Ylma was starting to wondering if the crystal ball wanted her to explicitly ask, the deep voice replied again. “Crystal. My name is Crystal.” 

There was a sense of relief in the voice at being able to answer, almost as though Crystal had only just managed to come up with the name. 

“Crystal? That’s not terribly original, is it?” 

Ylma bit her tongue as soon as she said the words. That really had been as rude as Crystal always accused her of being. Her poor shop was going to pay for that.

To her surprise, Crystal only shifted the next box slightly. Nothing crashed. Nothing broke. “Well, it’s not as if my parents gave me the choice, is it?”

“You have parents?”

Crystal’s laughter rolled off the walls. “Of course I don’t! How would that work? I can’t believe how gullible you are!”

“Well, I’m sorry I don’t have awakened objects around all the time. How am I supposed to know these things?”

“Pffft, parents! But actually, why don’t you awaken a few more objects? It would be rather more interesting around here with a bit of company.”

“Do you even listen to me?! There are severe punishments for that! If we are discovered, I might be able to pass you off as the norfilatious accident you are. I won’t be able to do that if there are more like you rolling around.” Ylma shuddered at the thought. 

“Norfilatious? Is that even a word?” 

“Never mind that, you... you piece of polished glass. How about you try and make yourself useful instead of destroying my shop? Which _is_ mine, by the way.”

“Make myself useful? What do you think I’ve been doing whenever I’m not cleaning up the mess you’ve made?” Ylma was not sure if a crystal ball could bristle, but Crystal seemed close to doing so.

“You leave my ‘mess’ the way it is! And how have you been making yourself useful?”

“Tskk, so unappreciative. When was the last time those rude mice gave you trouble?”

Ylma thought back and realized it had been quite some time since they had gnawed on anything. There had been no mad dashes across a customer’s feet, no droppings on her favorite tin of nuts. She wondered when she had last heard the rustling of their movements, magnified by the hollow space behind the wood of the cabinet.

“What did you do to them? Did you _eat_ them?”

Crystal shuddered. “What do you think of me?! Ew! I would never! I just taught them some manners. After all, we can’t have them chasing off our customers.”

Ylma decided to let the ‘our’ slide. “Do I even want to know how?” 

Crystal’s raspy laugh reverberated between the dusty rows of spell books, rune stones, cauldrons and herbs. “I’m not harming them, if that’s what you’re worried about. Just leave the exact method to me.”

“Alright, as long as you’re not hurting them, I have to admit that that really is useful.” Ylma considered. “You know what, why don’t we make a deal? You keep reminding the mice to mind their manners and in turn, I’ll promise not to try to unsoul you again and I’ll keep the shop in order.”

There was a snort of disapproval from the shelf. “That’s not much of a deal is it? I keep doing what I do anyway and leave your chaos the way it is, and you just do what any decent person would do? It’s a bit of a meager offer, don’t you think?”

“Alright, I’ll also keep enough of your favorite food around to keep you happy. What do you eat anyway?”

“Mites.”

“Mice?! I thought you said you didn’t eat them!”

“Not mice, _mites_. You know, the tiny little crawly creatures that live in dust. Plenty of those around, so there’s no need to buy them for me.”

“You’re pulling my leg again, aren’t you?” Ylma asked.

Crystal bounced up and down impatiently. “Of course not! They are the best food to promote the inner eye. ‘Every mite you eat will show you one thing that might happen,’ as the ancient saying goes. Unless you have some coulds instead? No wills though, eating somebody’s will obviously brings bad luck.”

“I could try to get you some cuds, but I’m not quite sure that would be the same,” Ylma suggested.

Crystal briefly considered her suggestion. “No, I don’t think it would be the same thing either, but thank you for offering.”

Ylma took a deep breath. “You’re right, I don’t have that much to offer in terms of a deal. Can we perhaps agree to discuss the arrangement of the goods before you start ‘cleaning my mess’? I’d have a veto, but I promise I will fairly consider all your suggestions and agree to some of them. You will also have to agree to stay quiet though, otherwise the officials will find and unsoul you.”

There was a brief moment of silence. “Alright. We have a deal.”

Before Ylma could breathe a sigh of relief, there was a loud clatter and Crystal bounced against her hand before dropping to the floor.

“A deal needs a handshake!” Crystal announced as an explanation as she rolled away. 

 

That night as Ylma lay in bed in her small chamber above the store covered by her favourite patchwork quilt, something smooth bopped against her left foot. It was not warm, but it hummed softly. 

“Is everything alright, Crystal?” Ylma muttered sleepily.

“Yes,” Crystal replied cheerfully. “It’s just more cozy up here than downstairs.”

“Did you find yourself a nice dinner?”

“Oh yes, I had lots of juicy mites.”

“That’s good.”

Silence fell and Ylma was just about to fall asleep when she felt something rough and slightly wet against her foot.

“Did you just _lick_ my foot?!”

“Rude! I would never do something so impolite!”

There was a moment of silence.

“You did, didn’t you?”

Ylma was not sure how a medium-sized ball of cheap crystal could seem smug and how she could tell without even seeing her, but there was no other way of putting it. And she didn’t even particularly mind falling asleep with a smug crystal ball resting against her foot.


End file.
